LOL-Wettbewerb von Bet Phoenix Casino – 1.000,00 $ gratis!

03-august-2010 chef86

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

04-august 2010 chef86

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
.
.
..
...
.....
........Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

05-august 2010 chef86

A guy took his blond girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarterback! Get the quaraterback!" I'm like.....Helloooooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!!

another deposit the 5-august 2010 (3.04.16 PM) chef86

A duck walked into a general store, waddled up to the counter and asked, "Got any grapes?"

"No," said the clerk.

The following day the duck was back again. "Got any grapes?" he asked.

"No," said the clerk, becoming irritated.

The next day the duck came in again. "Got any grapes?"

"No!" yelled the clerk. "I've told you before, we don't have any grapes! I'm getting so fed up with all this that if you come in here again and ask for grapes, I'm going to take a hammer and nail your webbed feet to the floor!"

The next day the duck came in again. "Got any nails?"

"No," replied the clerk.

"Good," said the duck. "Got any grapes?"

16 august 2010 chef86

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

19- august 2010 chef86

Advantages Of Being A Woman
Why it's better to be a Woman!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

21-august 2010 chef86
about my last post...Im a man..but the joke say we not she.
And I hope everyone enjoyed reading the jokes and i hope none of them offened anyone in anyway

prayng:

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying:

"God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying.

The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack.

The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning.

Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night.

And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants.

He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine.

When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch.

She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

Sorry the "do not disturb joke" at the 16-august is a copy of mamrone joke top of the page I change it whit this joke :

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
Electric Train

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Well.. this one has for some strange reason has always gave me the biggest chuckle...

Why did the gum cross the road?

and so many people try to answer it..everyone is so unsuspecting/unexpecting of the only answer.. but it ends up with why did the gum cross the road?

Because it was stuck on the chickens foot..   

and i swear i get that image of the chicken trying to kick that gum off it's foot as it's crossing the road, the gum stretchin everywhere.. and i die of laughter.. after all the guess and i give the answer everyone else dies of laughter too.. try it on a friend..

user name macendra
deposit 8/32/10
A man is sitting at a bar and just as he was about to take the first sip of his drink, this biker comes in and sits right next to him. The biker takes his drink out of the guys hand, and proceeds to slam it all down. The man starts crying! The biker puts his hand on his shoulder and says come on man, I'm sorry, I was just messing with you, I hate to see a grown man cry. The man replies, it's not that, this has been the worst day of my life. i get to work late and my boss fires me! I go to get in my car, only to find it was stolen! I take a cab home and realized I left my wallet in the cab! Then I get home early to find my wife in bed with an other man! And finally, I come to this bar and you just drank the poison I made to end it all.

user name macendra
yes that's right an other deposit 8/21/10 and the date on my last post should also be 8/21/10 ooops sorry just caught it.
OK, a group of woman go on vacation together. they come across a hotel that says For Woman Only. They stop and decide to spend the night there. The desk clerk tell them there are five stories and each One is different. the elevator will stop at each one and a sign will explain the theme.They go to the first floor and a sign states, This floor has short/plain men. They decide to go to the next floor and the sign states. This floor has short and handsome men. Knowing there are five floors they decide to continue. The third floor sign states. This floor has tall/plain men. Of course they decide to go to the fourth floor and the sign states. this floor has tall and handsome men. Knowing the hotel has five floors they couldn't wait to see what would be on the fifth floor so they decide to go there. The sign states: This floor proves that's it's impossible to please a woman!

acgofer
8/21

A man and his wife are in the shower together when the doorbell rings. The wife puts on a robe and goes down to answer the door.

In walks her husband’s friend Ben. The woman tells him her husband’s in the shower and asks if he can come back later. Instead, Ben steps in and quietly says, "I have $400 in my pocket. I’ll give it to you if you’ll open your bathrobe for me." She’s offended, but really needs the money so she agrees, opens her robe, and lets Ben have a quick peek before doing it up again. Ben gives her the $400, and she opens the door for him to leave but he says, "I have another $400 in my other pocket. I’ll give it to you if you let me touch your breasts." Now she’s really mortified, but again, she needs the money, so she undoes her robe and lets him have a quick feel. Taking the other $400 from him, she lets him out the door.

Going back upstairs, she gets back in the shower with her husband, feeling a little bit guilty.

"Who was that?" the husband asks.

"Oh, that was just Ben," the wife answers.

"Ben?" the husband says. "That son of a b**ch owes me 800 bucks!"

user name macendra
deposited 8/22/10

Why are men like parking spaces?


The good ones are always taken!

that's right an other deposit, I love this casino
user name macendra
deposit 8/22/10

One night while sleeping a woman awakes to find her husband is not in bed.
She walks downstairs to find her husband at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee, and noticed he had a tear in his eye. What's wrong she says as she slowly sits down next to him, putting her arm around him. Do you remember twenty years ago, when you were 17 and we were dating? Of course, she responses. Do you remember when we made love in the back seat of my car? Oh yes, she replies, thinking her husband is having a sentimental moment. Do you also remember your father catching us and putting a shotgun in my face demanding that I either marry you or spend the next twenty years in jail! Well, I would have gotten out today!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip.  After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.  “Well,

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.


But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. 

“Watson, you idiot!” he says.  “Someone has stolen our tent!”
_____________________________________________________

username: taktahu
deposit: 8/19/2010 5:19:14 PM Wire Transfer Deposit Approved! $50.00

gl and thank you
btw, still no free chip for the review contest ending last week

user name macendra
deposit 8/23/10

A man goes to visit his Doctor that he has had for many years,because of the pain he has developed in his elbow. The nurse walks him into the room, where he assumes he will wait for the Doctor when he is informed that his doctor has been replaced with a super duper computer that will diagnose his aliment. The machine asks him what his problem is and then pops open a door with a cup and asks him to pee in the cup. The machine then analyzes it and tell the man he has tennis elbow. Upset that this is what the world has come to the man decides to play a trick on this new form of Doctor. He asks his wife to pee in a cup and also takes some pee from his dog then mixes in some of his own pee and some of his own sperm. Then goes back to the Doctor and when the machine asks for his specimen he pours in his mixture.

The computer comes back with it's findings, and tells the man:
Your wife is pregnant,
your dog has heart worms,
and if you don't stop masturbating you never get rid of you tennis elbow!

user name macendra
deposited 8/23/10 again

OK, an elderly lady goes to her Doctor for a routine checkup and at the end asks him for a prescription for birth control. puzzled the Doctor asks, excuse me Mrs. Hendricks but you are eighty years old, why would you want birth control pills. She answers, they help me sleep at night. Puzzled again, the Doctor says how in the world could taking birth control pills help you sleep at night. Well, she states by putting them in my granddaughter orange juice in the morning helps me sleep at night!

so as I understand this there are ten winning jokes and you get one entry for every deposit so i would assume one person could win more than once would you agree? that would really be nice lol well today is the day he picks the top ten, i sure hope at least one of my jokes make it, Nick you are going to have a really hard time picking just ten they have posted some really good jokes.

This is a message for mister nicolas the casino Rep or for who know the answer. Like I say always,first, sorry for my english. Now, I read 777 at the first 200 from 2to5 but this is 200:5 so 40 bucks each or 200 every player.same question for 6-10 rank at 100 dollars. Because the total is more than 1000 if it is 200 each but if its only 40,I think 777for the first is a lot of bucks 77%. Anyways whats the correct count?
Hope someone understand my "special english".Thanks for everyanswer see everybody around 

user name macendra
deposit 8/24/10
A blonde looking to earn some extra money decided to hire yourself out as a handyman. As she was walking door to door in a well-off neighbor, she came a across a man working on his yard. She asked him if there was anything he needed done around the house. The man replied, he need his porch painted. and asked her how much she would charge. Fifty bucks she says and the man agreed. He supplied all the paint and materials and she began to paint. The man's wife asked him if she understood that the porch went all around the house, and he tells her she should because after all she was standing on it. An hour later the blonde rings the door bell and tells the man she has finished and by the way there was enough paint so I gave it two coats. Asking the man to come out and look at it, he gladly hands her the fifty bucks as she states: by the way that's not a porch it's a Ferrari!

user name macendra
yes an other deposit 8/24/10

A man was enjoying his comfortable chair, watching his favorite team on his big screen. His wife was doing her best to clean the house. While vacuuming the vacuum broke and stopped running. She puts it aside and starts to run the dishwasher, when a pop,crackle, and big puff of smoke comes out of it. Frustrated the woman decides to do the laundry. While in the basement, water starts flowing out of the machine and she quickly turns it off. Feeling sorry for his wife, the man tries to comfort her by telling her.Honey, I know your having a bad day but at least you still have me.At this point the woman starts crying and says : ya but you don't work either!

allgood2010 08/24/2010

Slot machine winner


A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

a beautiful woman went to a curch.
'father, father can you help me please, i'm in trouble'
father : 'yes child, of course tell me'
she : 'last night I met a handsome man, I really like him'
father : 'what is the problem then my child?'
she : 'he touched me on my face'
father : 'like this?'
she : 'yes, and then he touched my breasts'
father : 'like this?'
she :'yes, father what are you doing?'
father : 'I am sorry my child, please continue'
she : 'and then he took of his pants and tore my skirt apart, and he put his thing in me without protection, I really surprise but I like it thou'
father : 'like this?'
she : 'yes, father what are you doing?'
father : 'dont you like it?'
she : 'yes i do'
father : 'what's the problem then?'
she : 'I've got AIDS'

well it's the 25th is it over or not????

wow I just went thru and counted how many deposits and jokes I made and it comes to 29 maybe I have a gambling problem lol. thank god they were small but I probably funded this whole contest. well, I hope a few of them make the top ten it would have been worth it.

deposited the 25august at the 11,35 pm in my country(italy) dont know if Im in time or not if isnt cancel this joke :

A couple is lying in bed, on their 20th wedding anniversary. The woman suddenly feels her husband touching her in ways that he hadn't done in years. He started at her neck, and slowly traced a line downward, past the small of her back. He caressed one shoulder, then the other, and continued down across her breasts, stopping just below her navel.

Next, he placed his hand on her left inner arm, and caressed down her side, stopping at her hip. He started over again on her right side, then brushed gently across her buttocks, and down her leg. As his hand was making its way up the inside of her left leg, he abruptly stopped and rolled over.

She had become very aroused by all of this attention, and asked in a loving voice, "That was amazing, darling. Why did you stop?"

He cleared his throat, looked at her and said "Found the remote."

Ok Guys,

I'm going over the jokes, I've been ROFLMFAO the whole time!

What great jokes y'all posted! This is really hard to decide!

No more jokes past this post will count toward the contest. I'll let you all know once I have the nominated jokes so the voting can start!

well, Nick I would not want to be in your shoes right now, maybe the guys at the casino can help you. Omar, Otto, Sam, Dean and even Al all seem to have a great sense of humor. I will tell you this I think they are a great group of guys and the main reason you are the only casino that gets my money now. I used to only play at a different one and don't give them penny any more. I just wanted to say thank you to you and your crew I love you guys. As far as I'm concerned everyone who posted here is a winner so don't leave any of them out OK thanks mamrone alias macendra

cool...check the other contest thread and your emails Nick...some (like me)havent received chips from the last contest or pm responses

@ dtsweet
I'll get back to you tomorrow morning, promise

@ Everyone,
I'll post the thread with the top 10 jokes in the next 12 hours or less

woot!...gl everyone

Thank you Betphoenix and Nicholas for all the contests, freebies and following through on everything that is promised.

Hi Guys,

Ok, the voting is now open, may the best joke win!

https://lcb.org/onlinecasinobonusforum/archive/lol-contest-from-bet-phoenix-casino-$1-000-00s-free!

Voting closes September 5th. Please allow 48 hours for crediting. If you have a balance at the time of crediting, you will not be credited right away. Instead, you will have to contact me when you're balance has reached $0. 

I'll get everyone who hasn't been credited for the past contest credited now!

Sooo, there's no point in playing? I'm bonus banned? Why? I deposit. Is it because I withdraw too much? My last transaction was a deposit not a freebie. I can put in, but not take out or receive wins in forums because I pay??

Is that the reason some of us havent been credited for the post a review contest that ended the 20th??

I wish I knew. I was told I'm bonus banned but not why. My last transaction was even a deposit

Well i wish someone would tell me something lol  If im banned i want to know, ya know??!!

pm nicolas johnson if you check and it's not there now

im not and i did yesterday   no answer yet........

OMG! You guys are hilarious

My personal fave's are Chef4fun, Mamrone and Acgofer

But I didn't like the choices of the jokes we had to vote from, some of your others were much funnier! Good Luck!

Based on what you guys and gals decided here:
https://lcb.org/onlinecasinobonusforum/archive/lol-contest-from-bet-phoenix-casino-$1-000-00s-free!

Here are the winners, based on what YOU chose:

mamrone won a $777 Free Chip, WTG mamrone!

$200 Prize Winners
dtsweet
MommyMachine
wmmeden
Booo73
Chef4fun
allgood2010

$100 Prize Winners
colywog
acgofer
BoomBoomLaRue
TheRunn3R

WTG everyone, I loved this contest. You guys and gals made me laugh so hard, it was really a great time! Thank you!

Congrats Mamrone and to everyone!  Thank you Nicholas and BP..you guys provide a lot of chances for us to win!

Hey I'm sure this will take up to 24 hours to credit..When someone gets their prize in there account could you give the rest of us a heads up so we know?  Thanks!

Congrats everyone! And thx to Nic,BP &LCB for a ton of fun and laughs!

Oh my Gosh, I don't believe it! What a great feeling not only to win but to know how everyone here loves me! I was hoping to win but never really thought I'd take first! I LOVE YOU GUYS AND I LOVE BETPHOENIX! thank you thank you thank you!

I was so excited I totally forgot to congratulate the rest of you as well, great job guys, and Nick your'e the best! But most of all LCB and all it's moderators, you always take good care of us and that's why I post here and everyone else does too. again LOVE YOU GUYS

In case there is any confusion...username is allgood2010.  I didn't post it when I put in my joke for the contest.