GESCHLOSSEN – LCB August HaHaHa-Wettbewerb

African father and young son are taking a stroll and the the boy is curious.
Father,
Yes my son,
Why do we have short curly hair?
Son u are the true African  hunter, and when u are going through the bushes your hair cuts the grass so u can get to the animal kill him and eat him for your dinner.
Ty father,
That's ok my son,
Father,
Yes my son,
Why do we have a big broad nose?
Son u are the true African hunter, and when u are in the bushes u can smell the animal from far away so that u know which direction to go, then kill him and eat him for your dinner.
Ty father,
That's ok my son
Father,
Yes my son,
Why do we have broad lips?
Son u are the true African hunter, and when u kill the animal u can eat him quickly so that when the other animals come afterwards all they will see are bones and your belly is fully.
Ty father,
That's ok my son,
Father,
Yes my son,
Why the f*ck are u gambling in Las Vegas then?

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

I can explain. The point of this competition is to share some funny jokes with the community and support LCB. They are doing us a solid by giving us a prize. No need to be negative. THE POINT IS ALSO TO HAVE FUN! Geeze.
And also, I think the Mods can help someone out if they are not following the rules. There is really no need to point someones mistakes out and make them feel stupid. Its just a contest.

the contest is now closed.

Stay tuned for the winners...

cheers
Zuga

Thanks for the great contest LCB good luck to everyone 

Here are our winners! Congrats to all that participated!

Dirkemans $10
Mnsweetheartf $5
Pokergranni – $10
Mago666 – $10
Chocolateman $5
Tweeksta – $10
bigdk1888 - $10
Ivan4eg88 – $10
ArmiS – $5
p0kahontis -$10
imakin1 - $10
Jennifer Durling $5
Xbornluckyx – $25 top winner
Royalflushplease – $5
Makerik – $5
sagar19 - $10
Gabby – $10
Kristih - $25 top winner
Aloniatta $10
Missymoo $15 2nd place winner
Sommi - $15 2nd place winner
Antoniomx  $10
Mike C. $5
Righton – $5
Poppy - $5
Rena35 - $5
salemnalle2 – $5
skrunici - $5
gilajikput91 - $5
dbamos - $5
globule3645 – $5
panettone0 - $5
premsharma16 - $10
rayoflight - $5
bahamaman - $5
luckyirishgirl424- $10
Cranders79 $5

Congrats to all winners!
Thanks for yet another fun contest LCB, and especially lips since Zuga said all these contests are mostly your creative input:)

Of course i expected my hat story to place in the winning position, but hey, guess it wasn't a real "top hat" after all ;p

I was wondering, when will these prizes be credited?
Can't wait to try and redeem my first neteller cash bonus!!

Thank you so much , that was fun and as always a great way to get to know the members better. Really have to put the thinking caps on. I love the thought provoking contests. I am excited to cash my winning into Paypal for the first time, Thank you again!

Thanks for the contest  Winners were announced faster then I expected  I'm so  glad that xbornluckyx is one of top winners, she deserved it 

Thank you for the contest ! enjoyed reading them...it was fun!!

Thanks so much LCB my daughter is gonna be so delighted she worked really hard on that cartoon strip 

Thanks for the contest  Winners were announced faster then I expected  I'm so  glad that xbornluckyx is one of top winners, she deserved it 

Thanks sommi wd on your 2nd place win 

cheers!! congrats to all enjoy the storys  

Hey thanks lipstik for such a great contest..
now i am just waiting for lcb coins to be credited in my account...
Thank you..

great contest again! thanks lcb team

well done all, thanks for the jokes, cartoons and stories. And thank you LCB for coming up trumps again

Awesome! Thanks for the win!

Conrgates to all the winners

The LCB Chips will be credited to your accounts tomorrow .

Please do not message anyone or post here how you did not get it yet. I will inform everyone sometime tomorrow so your patience is highly appreciated

cheers
Zuga

maybe you are spoiled me but I expect another great contest soon thanks LCB

Thanks LCB for another great contest!
You people are awesome

Cheers LCB !

Woot what a birthday surprise, I logged in and see I won $5 tyty LCB you rock and WTG all winners.

Happy birthday and congrats.

Zuga &  The LCB Crew,

Thanks guys for a funny contest.  I really enjoyed this one!  It is absolutely amazing to me how you guys keep these contests fresh and fun!  Just keep them coming and I will certainly be playing. 

Congrats to all the winners!  Your jokes, comic strips, and stories were excellent and extremely funny.  Tough competition in this contest!  Looking forward to the next one!


Pokergranni 

P.S.
Happy Birthday Rayoflight!

All credited now

Do let me know if I missed someone

cheers
Zuga

Thanks the all great contest LCB team! I am curious to the next

Thanks so much!

ty lcb for contest

Congrats to the winners

Wow!!!!!  I'm so excited-thanks so much for my honor of Top Winner!!!!!!!!  Such a surprise!!!!

Congrats to all the winners and thanks for sharing all the funny stories i've gotten to read!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to ALL the staff of  LCB!!!!!!!!

Many thanks LCB,Zuga Lips and all mods who made this contest possible ! Brilliant stuff!

LCB coins credited and even redeemed it...
Thanks you so much..

Received the money !
Thanks zuga and company

Hey thanks lips . Enjoyed the contest.

thanks lips..i get the money,,even its only $5 but thankfull..ill work more hard for the next contest

Zuga, lips and all the LCB staff thank you for great contest and a much appreciated forum. Ya'll are a class act!  gl all
imakin1